decisions… decisions

Making decisions/choices is hard especially when they are substantial and altering your course in life.

Those people who make snap decisions that impacts their life substantially and don’t really think it through really bug the shit out of me.  It’s like they fly by the seat of their pants and somehow life works out and they come out the other side smelling like roses instead of crap.  Really! How does that work? Can you teach it to me?

Right now I’m tossing around a decision about college.  I finished my last class at CMCC for an associate degree in general studies, but how is that really going to help me in the long run?  Should I continue next semester for my associates in business admin & supervision? Do I transfer to a bachelor degree at another school?  Do I go to USM or UMA?  It took me over 10 years to get my degree because I work full time while I went to school and did kid stuff.  Do I continue to work & go to school for another however many years it’ll take to get a bachelor degree?  Or do I cut my hours back and go to school full time?  Do I stay in Maine to do this or do I move?  Do I want to work for the State forever like a shit ton of other people I know?  By the time I can retire there won’t be a retirement fund for me.  When I think about staying in state service for the next 32 years I get anxious and depressed. I’ve already been here for 10 years (11 this year). Maybe if I get some of my student loans paid down I will go back to school.

I don’t ever remember being so stressed about stuff.

I tend to think about things quite a bit before I act on something that impacts my life greatly.  It took me a while to decide to file bankruptcy but it was the best choice for me.  Giving up my house in my bankruptcy was hard but was also a good idea.  Now the thought of owning a home gets me all stressed out.  So where am I going to live?  I’m so tempted to just get a small camper trailer and just hook it up to my car & take off as soon as I can, since it’ll just be me. (And cats)

A decision that wasn’t hard to make but hard to follow through on is going to the gym.  I’ve recently chose to start going to the gym. I know it’s good for me, but damn it’s hard on my body. I’ve also chosen to stop eating processed foods and fast foods, as well as to start cutting out sugar and other chemicals found in our food today.  It was an easy choice but it’s hard to practice it when you’ve been raised to eat junk. (Junk = fast food, boxed foods, lots of processed sweets & sodas)  I’ve also chose to start doing more activities outside, walking/hiking, kayaking, & hopefully biking.  I’m tired of being tired & sick of being fat.  I see photos of myself and I’m amazed at how I look. I HAVE control over that so I’m doing something about it. Unlike some other things in life I don’t have control over.


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