Discouraged

I am discouraged by my first Couch to 5K training.  Gina isn’t around and we have a sub trainer filling in.  She didn’t talk about stretching, pacing, running style or form at all.  She clicked the timer on herC25K app and off we went.  I’m not much of a runner and did my best to jog along at a (very) slow pace.  I thought the training was going to have people who were new to running like I am, however there were two people who were already runners along with us who basically flew by us and went on their merry way.At the time I didn’t really think about it because I had to get home. I pushed it out of my mind or else I’d have arrived at home all puffy eyed from crying.  I felt like crying because I felt so discouraged.  Today when I was catching up with a friend who had been on vacation last week I explained it and again felt like crying.  I’ve never been much of a group participation type of person and I thought that being in a group of new runners would give me support, but that wasn’t the case. (They weren’t new runners.)I feel that I was doing better when I wasn’t “in” the program rather than now.  The scale has been going in the wrong direction.  I haven’t clicked with the fitness side of things yet.  I don’t know if I’m over thinking this or if it’s just overwhelming or what the problem is.  I’m trying to think back to what I was doing before that is different and the only think I can think of is the dog.  Surprisingly she helped me is so many ways that I’m just now realizing after she’s gone.  I’m absolutely getting another dog as soon as I possibly can.  Not only was she good for my depression/anxiety but also for my fitness and general wellbeing.

Well this isn’t about my dog or lack of.  It’s about my disappointment. I guess I can only be disappointed if I was expecting something.   Silly me for having expectations.  I think I’ll set about to do the podcast I have for the Couch to 5K program instead of doing the training with the gym.

My mom said to me today that she knows if I set my mind to something I will achieve it.  It was so nice to hear that from her.  She’s in the “program” too and having some difficulties as well. I understand so much of what we discuss in classes, but for some reason I just can’t get some little things to click in to place.  It’s like I have a puzzle piece I’m putting in the wrong way or something is askew. My clothes are fitting kind of tight which is uncomfortable and adding to my discouraged feelings.

from http://www.pxrandomness.com/2012/06/so-ocd-youll-become-cdo.html

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